‘i stood alone by the water and ached for you’ copyright tania palermo
I take a 24-hour respite from the news but continue to hear of more devastation, loss, grief, anger, confusion. The stories reach me in many ways and play over and over in the back of my mind as I meet a friend for coffee; do the grocery shopping; fold the laundry.
I’ve been trying to write all day and the words will just not come. Or, they will come, full of angst and wanting to start a fight. A friend sends a video of her walk outdoors and tells me the rivers and trees are calling out for me to come walk there too, with her. We’ve been talking a lot about community and connection lately. The one giant rock that looks more like a small boulder does grumble lowly as she walks past, and tells me – it is angsty too – which makes me trust it immediately.
Painting would help, but I cleaned the kitchen yesterday, (my makeshift studio), and need to let it have at least one day of rest before messing it up again. The table has lost its fight and is decorated with splotches of many colors but the floor still has hope it will survive the creativity without needing to be scraped and refinished.
sold to private collection copyright tania palermo
It makes me feel small, the not knowing what to do. Or how to hold onto hope in the face of the suffering I see. Or wanting to make things change but feeling powerless to do so.
I scroll through old photos to distract myself and listen to music and keep breathing and know that I AM small and cannot do much for the far away friend who asks me to pray for her daughter, other than to witness her and acknowledge her worry and pray for her daughter and decide, again, that I will do just that, over and over. Not close my eyes. Witness and acknowledge and offer kindnesses and hold doors open and share the bread I make and sit at the doctors’ offices and watch the friends’ dog so they can escape and recharge, and maybe all these little things will matter. Maybe trickles of light will seep in, grow, and start to take up more space than the grief and despair and the feelings of rage at the injustices done. Maybe any action is better than no action and even though we feel small and powerless we can make a difference. And maybe to believe otherwise gives the ‘darkness’ power it does not deserve.
Self-care for me today meant … walking in the woods, taking pictures, saying hello to strangers and their playful puppies and … reading poetry. What did it look like for you?
Keeping Quiet
by Pablo Neruda
“Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still
for once on the face of the earth,
let’s not speak in any language;
let’s stop for a second,
and not move our arms so much.
It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines;
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness.
Fishermen in the cold sea
would not harm whales
and the man gathering salt
would not look at his hurt hands.
Those who prepare green wars,
wars with gas, wars with fire,
victories with no survivors,
would put on clean clothes
and walk about with their brothers
in the shade, doing nothing.
What I want should not be confused
with total inactivity.
Life is what it is about…
If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves with
death.
Now I’ll count up to twelve
and you keep quiet and I will go.”
I’ve been talking with fellow small business owner friends about ways to offer our services online. A lot of people I know sell products, so they can keep doing that via Etsy or their websites. Yoga studios are recording their classes and sharing them on YouTube … I’ve been so grateful for this!
While I can’t give you a massage online … we CAN keep talking about self care. It is especially vital right now to take mini breaks from any stress you may be experiencing.
What’s an activity that you find restorative? I love the combination of spending time in nature with photography. It calms me right down. Look for the light. Focus on any hope you can find. Acknowledge all that IS working, all the good that IS showing up. Stay in the moment and know that RIGHT NOW you do have everything you need.
End of the day
in a place I only had
a few moments in.
Excited because the light was pretty.
Anxious because I was with
three people and two dogs
who are not photographers
or artists – who were being patient but also,
wanted to move along.
They don’t know how quickly
the light changes
or how long it’s been
since I’ve felt inspired
to capture something.
This is making many photos quickly …
rather than going slowly, looking at
angles and perspectives, or
waiting to feel moved by the subject.
Just hoping one will turn out OK.
52 week photo challenge : one photo a week; no explanations or stories needed; black and white; shot only with my Nikon D800 and 28mm lens [50 mm today]
52 week photo challenge : one photo a week; no explanations or stories needed; black and white; shot only with my Nikon D800 and 28mm lens [today 50mm].
52 week photo challenge : one photo a week; no explanations or stories needed; black and white; shot only with my Nikon D800 and 28mm lens [today 85mm].
Tania Palermo [Studio on Main] 